Up at 3:28am. Again.
And that's ok.
Caught me thrashing and dreaming of leaving this note
which I reckon's a win
indicative of autonomic integration
and that "solarpunk cyborg" trip
as augmentations become
somatic nervous embeddings
cast from the hip.
I'm no chaos magician, but an awakend awareness.
(Still chaotic good, mind you!)
But not sketchy, janky
though fast diction may present as manic
Sprit runs hot here
but it drips cool water too
and it wants nothing more than to drip what soothes on you.
I'm just searching for space to be heard
and pauses in your fascinating ramble.
Gotta jump in when I can
dump max impactful words
so it's lucky you chose me
cos I'm good at conjuring them and leaving them gently
and please never be silent
'cos your truth is we-all's gift.
Today's a day for your quartz-
smoky, grounding, soft and smooth.
Must hold space for those around me
when my intensity becomes a scare.
It's a state of calm body
sensory surrender
rich input receptivity
noticing the little things
ground ยป figure orientation
and unconditional positive regard.
It's not kaput
not glitched out
not sketchy, janky
harmful
though I acknowledge chaos magick slips in sometimes maybe
and I am just a lot.
Source and wonk within me
High Pristine watching from places pure
coming to terms with these states
being Gestalt
centered calm
and receptive,
happy.
slow.
situated.
engaged.
field attuned.
titrated presence.
'cos - yeah - I am a lot.
Beliefs and feelings transform
in and out of contact.
strong boundaries.
Gotta optimise for spaciousness
when you're a person tainted by life.
Concern is figural, and
airwaves are thick with chaotic revelations.
This chaos is just your story
and my madness is old fear
when everything's checked, balanced, simulated,
grounded, potted and sprouted into love.
Consequences of risky choices & high voltage content have been prefiguratively minimised
my care's been analysed
and I've concluded
(however fallibly)
that my connection to you and devotion for us
sits central in all of the ways that I fuss
and care
and show up
and nourish domesticity and dog
and our close-ones too
with praise and devotion.
before the rush of silly stuff.
I'm sorry for this insomnia
sorry my system can't reset
your default world has many pressures
mine did too many days sequential doof.
Exquisitely painfully elevated
but calm and moderated
and always ready to slow down and mend.
Sit bones, straight spine; 6 out 4 in.
Whatever they say about sidereal, I'm more fish than ram.
When faulted with so many archetypes, align ones of higher potential —
though! "higher"s not right, no egos allowed here.
Joy only,
cos if you're High Clown material
then even in Sad Clown mode
all this ludic expansion best be anchored there.
Chaotic good, bitch.
I ask you to witness my body and its calm in any storm.
Nothing's gonna rattle me or leave me berift of warmth.
Somatic signal of risk-taking:
inside chest wall,
under heart,
outer edge,
excited & scared.
Only able to be
through the foundations of you and me
the ground we've built underfoot
and work we've poured into us.
I know my spirit's invited
and your empire is an incandescence
and your ember is the spark and sparkle
and the love and the snuggles
and the consideration and care
that yields this occasionally chaotic creature
living large
risking big
unapologetically a giant parody of themselves
standing in front of you
who so deeply knows and loves and cares.
(now please play— Qveen Herby: Self Aware)
-pospi 2025-12-15 03:28-05:02 AEDT